Sunday, August 27, 2006

six months in a leaky boat

Last night I went to the Gurtel Night Walk, an annual event promoting a group of clubs and pubs which have been built into an old train station. It wasn't too bad, with bands performing on either side of the elevated platform and overcrowded bars underneath the tracks. I met up with Petra at Mezzanin, a place where punters can stand under the stage (where a ska band performed ska covers of Don't Worry, Be Happy and Just a Gigolo), and afterwards we went dancing at the sardine expereince that was Chelsea until about 4. I ran into someone I had played poker with in a random, hidden away club at 3am the other night and the feeling of being in Vienna for too long started to creep into my mind.

I now have a whole bunch of fresh music (courtesy of Petra), and something to listen to it on (courtesy of Craig), is working for me.. Having grown up on a staple diet of Pink Floyd, Hoodoo Gurus and Crowded House/Split Enz, it's really good to hear this stuff while I'm so far from home. Later this week I'll be making my way to Prague to hang out with Martine, who has been studying there for the last couple of months. Another person I can hit up for some music in exchange for a Vegemite sandwich. Or even a Tim Tam.. Thanks again Jo & Craig. These things are like drugs in a prison. You'd be amazed what they can be exchanged for.

On a totally unrelated subject which doesn't involve the exchange of Tim Tams, I've met a nice Austrian girl, who is just finishing up a four year stint as a nurse and is looking to take a break before going to art school. This opens up several new possibilities with travel, but we'll see how things unfold over the next few days before rushing into anything. Very exciting though.

However, through some misguided sense of loyalty and heeding the advice given to another bicycle loving chum after he met a new lady, i decided to tell my ex about meeting someone new. This was followed by some fairly piss poor behaviour, and after a chat with a random person at the bar last night, I've come to a few conclusions:
  • When a person is apparently unaware of the psychology motivating their actions to the point of crudity, disrespect and tactlessness, it will come as no surprise that their hobbies include luring you closer under the cover of friendship just to hurt you. Totally by accident of course.
  • A person who drags you down to feel good rather than pulling themselves up will never be happy.
  • Not all things in life are a competition.
The question remains: What exactly do you owe someone who always seems to upset you? Anyone?


pippa said...

considering that you always seem to upset me now, i'm suggesting all that you can do is walk away again and try not to look back.

goodbye dan murphy. have fun with your new girl.

kt said...

Breakups bite. Especially when two creative emotional people are hurt in the process. Yes, it's better to tell the old person about the new person. It hurts, but it's better for Pippa to hear it from you rather than through the grapevine.

I did the same thing myself, told the ex about the new guy and he said he felt sick all day after I'd told him.

You can read about my story here:

Keep in mind, I moved out of the ex's place on July 22...

His response was "how can you be happy with someone else when we couldn't fix us?". Needless to say, lengthy discussions followed about how we weren't fixable. We love and learn for a reason. People are always in our lives to teach us something, even if it is about ourselves.

Clair said...

You deserve happiness, and that you shall get.
Break-ups do indeed "bite", as you know I'm in a good position to sympathise.
However, as much as you love someone, if it doesn’t work, for whatever reason, if they can be happy with someone else you need to let them do that, otherwise (in my humble opinion) you never really loved them.

I'm not just talking out of the back of my ass, I know that when the time (ever closer approaching) that my ex tells me she has begun seeing someone, I will be in bits, but that's my problem and I can’t make it hers... I care about her and I do want her to be happy, it’s just a pity I’m not the one to do it.

Dan my man, you are a good guy, with an open heart.
I hope someday Pippa and you can be friends but sometimes it’s better to let someone go and see what happens.

In the meantime smile, laugh, take photos and be the guy you are.


Anonymous said...

Ex-bf's and gf's can't ever be friends. Harry (When Harry Met Sally) was right. It is a romantic idyll but complete fantasy.

Dan (and Pippa), you should and will occasionally look back, in time maybe even with the fondness of rose-coloured glasses, but move on and be happy.

sctv said...

Ex-bf's and gf's can't ever be friends?
I dispute this.......from personal experience, i wouldn't say that it is typical, but it is possible.
Two of my best friends are xGF. both relationships fairly gracefully imploded leaving a white dwarf of permanent goodwill.
These are not the simplest friendships to have, but i am happy to know that one xGF is in a great relationship, and the other in time will find a good man.
But... i am not looking for another girl tobe a girlfriend to become a friend.

take care, you understand that i am for both of you separately.
cheers B

Sam said...

This is an age old question, with no right answer. The strange thing is this is being played out in a public, World wide forum. Hmm, strange times we live in.

My advice to both of you; time and separation will heal "most" things. Ex-s can be friends, but there is always stuff in the background. Its all good experience, no matter ho totally fucking shit it feels now.

Anonymous said...

Nothing you owe them nothing at all. Breakups suck.

I sometimes think that ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends can never be good friends because there is always that sexual tension. From experience, the distance apart from someone smooths things over and you kinda learn a lot about the things you liked and hated.

When I went to Japan with my best friend we got so sick of eachother at one point we just exploded and fists were flying. After that we were like better friends for it. In the case of ex-girfriends both parties have to agree that it is better for both of them.